Apr 08 2016

Mr Bean (PS2) review – 60 Second Gamer 09

This will come as a surprise to our regular viewers, but the *Mr Bean* game on PS2, released by Blast Entertainment, isn’t that bad. I know, I was surprised too.

Based on the animated Mr Bean TV series, you must save Teddy who has been kidnapped. Working your way through a number of garden-themed platforming levels, you have to work your way around a variety of enemies (dogs, bees, old women) whilst avoiding fatal pits of doom. On your journey you must also collect special jigsaw pieces which are locked inside treasure chests dotted around each level. By collecting all of the jigsaw pieces you can then unlock the door that leads to the sewers and the resolution of the game. For completionists you can collect cat biscuits on each level, but this is perhaps best saved for the masochists out there. They’re not all that easy to pick up.

It’s not all happy sailing though. More often than not the camera is too close to Mr Bean, meaning you collide with enemies and damage-inflicting objects all too frequently. Judging perspective of a jump can be difficult, but thankfully if you die you just return to the last checkpoint you activated. Still, it doesn’t stop the increasing frustration as you misjudge the timing of your jump over and over again.

Other problematic areas include the weapons, which are ineffective at best. In a kid friendly move, the big spray, frying pans and so on only stun your enemies rather than kill them. It also gets annoying when you find a sign telling you what to do every few steps. Do it on the first level perhaps, but is there much need for it after that? No. The answer is no.

There are a couple of mini games to distract you from the platform game, namely Vac-a-Mole and jigsaw puzzles. Vac-a-Mole is activated through mole-shaped garden statues and does what it says on the tin. Armed with a vacuum, you run around the garden vacuuming up rogue moles. Achieve the target score and you’ll be given bonus items that will help you in the main game. These are nothing special and can easily be collected as you progress through each level.

We encountered an issue with these levels as they had a tendency to crash the game. As such, because you need to construct a jigsaw puzzle to unlock the sewer the game kept crashing before we could finish and unlock a change of scenery.

One day we might get a copy of the game that lets you play to the finish, although we can’t imagine there will be that much left to explore.

Apr 06 2016

Post-Wrestlemania Hangover

By The Fallen Angel

Well it is that time of year again when as a wrestling fan you have to look forward into the dark abyss (certainly no wrestling pun intended) of the early summer low point in wrestling and question your allegiance to the puppet master Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Yes just one week ago I could not help but break randomly into the intro tunes to WWF Wrestlemania (see dreadful music from 1993 / Linda McMahon’s entrance music 2000) and was stuck to the dirt sheets like dried Weetabix to a bowl. I was full of anticipation for the biggest weekend of the year and slightly regretful that I had not invested £3,000 in flying to Dallas, Texas.

The week progressed nicely watch Mick Foley on the PG friendly Steve Austin Podcast. At first this was a real poignant insight into the life and times of a warrior that time and bumps has taken its toll on. The genuine friendship between the two was clear and it was great to see that Mick Foley was now looking after his post wrestling body dropping 50lbs since I last saw him. However, like the arrival of an unwanted ex on a night out my enjoyment was soon to be dashed by the introduction of Mick’s daughter, Noelle.

Can I be the only one who literally wanted this to be the point at which Bill Goldberg made his long awaited WWE return to spear her through the ring ropes and out of the WWE for good? I sat there watching this awkward promotion of her new show Holy Foley and then make the statement that she is training to be a WWE Diva (yes I know, but she is a Diva). At this point my attention was diverted past her to the crowd of this podcast sat behind her and how bored and disappointed they were to be then refocused by what seemed to be Steve Austin’s annoyance of the whole situation. I can’t imagine the show will do more than one series and then she will side step to Total Divas and I will put the whole memory into my Total Crap I pretend the WWE doesn’t produce part of the brain right next to Ride Along.

Feeling a little weary from Thursday along came NXT Take-Over Dallas, Texas. From the opening bell this event did not disappoint with the Tag Team clinic between the Alpha American’s and the Revival. The event was smashed by Sami Zayne and Nakamura before the excellent Women’s title and decent NXT title matches. For a full review on this and the Hall of Fame Ceremony you need to listen to the Ironman Show Episode One.

So time for the Big Show, Wrestlemania (32).

I have been a wrestling fan since Royal Rumble 1990 and my calendar starts and ends with Wrestlemania. My wife knows it, my friends know it and I am sure my sleep patterns know it (in the UK Wrestlemania finished at 4:40am this year. The WWE’s biggest event of the Year (and in fact ever) kicked off with what sounded like an out of tune stirring rendition of America the Beautiful before heading into the Ladder Match for the IC title. A predictable but entertaining ladder match of high points followed with Kevin Owens taking a nasty bump on the ladder before the surprise victory of Zack Ryder ushering in a new era of the IC title setting up a worthwhile run (oh wait – see Raw).

My biggest issue with this opener was could I have discriminated it from the other opening ladder matches and Money in the Banks for the last ten years? Would a triple threat ladder match or a fatal four way with less people allow them to tell a more worthwhile story? Next up Chris Jericho defeated AJ Styles in an excellent match up where hopefully this story will come to an end on what seems to be their 10th fight. AJ now should be able to move on and have several feuds and prove his stock in the company (Oh wait he will be Roman Reign’s first victim at the next PPV).

The WWE tag team championship was not on the line in a losing effort from the New Day against the League of Nations in a match that was simply a set up for a returning HBK, Mick Foley and Steve Austin. In what was a nice bit of nostalgia the three legends picked apart the League of Nations and celebrated temporarily with the New Day until Austin stunned Xavier Woods.

The Brock Lesnar and Dean Ambrose match was a decent encounter though it was more a simple No DQ than a street fight and I feel it was a shame they didn’t use the opportunity to take the action up the ramp during the biggest Wrestlemania ever. I am expecting big things from Dean Ambrose this year and wouldn’t be surprised if he is headlining next year’s event.

Match of the night in my view goes to the three Women in the Women’s Championship Match as the WWE finally killed the sexist, derogatory Diva’s division. In an awesome display of wrestling and fast paced action the three ladies demonstrated that they are in the same league and if not better than the men on this night with Charlotte pulling out the win (though with a little help from Slic Ric – Wooooo!).

The Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal saw NXT’s Baron Corban pick up the win cementing him as a credible player before his move to Raw the following night.

Following the Rock’s over the top promo of himself using a flame thrower to wow the crowd. Not really sure of the logic here to be honest, we saw a truly impressive entrance by the Wyatt family. Not due to flame throwers but simply crowd response as 100,000 fire flies lit up the AT+T Stadium to the group’s entrance. The crowd popped like mad and for a while the rock seemed to be setting up something beautiful – an impromptu match with Wyatt.

This then however, took 6 seconds in which Erik Rowan was destroyed as a jobber before matters got even worst by John Cena coming to aid the rock. To make me even more annoyed at this point John Cena didn’t seem pleased to be there. A fact covered up by JBL’s commentary who claimed Cena was not fit enough to be there. I somehow think he is in better shape that DDP, Austin, Mick Foley or Shawn Michaels.

The final match of the evening was Roman Reigns and Triple H. Up until this point I think things were going fine but here as expected the company lost the now exhausted fans. As a viewer at home it was difficult to get into the match when all you are listening to is the crowd. What also was obvious was the editing that was done to reduce the booing that was happening.

I think the match was half decent (not a Wrestlemania standard) but I just couldn’t get into it and if I was in Texas at this point I would have got out to my rental car and avoid the gridlock that would have followed from the 100,000 annoyed fans as Reigns won the match clean over the game.

So now the dust has settled and Wrestlemania is 365 days away. I have no desire to tune in again for a while but I am sure that will change in the next few weeks as each opponent is destroyed by Roman Reigns. However, one thing is for sure – I am happy that imaginary £3,000 stayed in my bank account.

Apr 04 2016

The Iron Man Show – Episode 01

Welcome to the very first episode of The Iron Man Show, a podcast for wrestling fans by wrestling fans. This first episode looks forward to Wrestlemania 32, and also recaps and reviews both the 2016 Hall of Fame ceremony and NXT Takeover Dallas.

Feedback on this first episode can be sent to randomstoat@gmail.com.

The episode can be downloaded direct below, or by subscribing to the RSS feed.

iTunes, Stitcher and other podcast feed links will be available shortly.

Apr 01 2016

Knight Rider 2 (PS2) review – 60 Second Gamer Episode 08

So Michael Knight and KITT are back in Knight Rider: The Game 2 (or Knight Rider 2 to keep things simple) for another, quite possibly unwanted sequel. Reprising much of the story from Davilex’s first game, you must work your way through a story and, indeed, a game, that have had almost no effort put into them. By anyone. Even the box art looks like nobody could be bothered making an effort.

But, as it happens, KITT now has weapons.

Yes, you read that right. KITT has weapons installed. Ignoring the fact this goes against everything the television series holds dear, it’s a gameplay mechanic that isn’t implemented well. They are used for melting random ice blockades in the road, or fighting robots and stuff. Because the television series was renowned for its heavy use of science fiction cliches.

More of the same old, same old play comes into effect. Boring fetch quests see you travelling from one side of the map to the other, battle Goliath and escape the attention of an attack helicopter. The one new area, an underground robotics lab, is tarnished by scrappy combat and wave after wave of doors protected by laser webs.

To say we found Knight Rider 2 uninspiring would be an understatement. We understand and appreciate that most game sequels just expand slightly on the previous entry in the series, but at the same time bolting on a weapon mechanic isn’t the way to make things feel fresh. Far from it. Clunky as it was, you almost wish you were playing the first one. That’s not much of a recommendation, but it’s the best we’ve got.

It’s also a shame that Michael spends so much time calling KITT “buddy” – it’s used so often you feel like punching the screen. If you did that, we wouldn’t hold it against you.

Mar 25 2016

Smarties Meltdown (PS2) review – 60 Second Gamer Episode 07

In a change from our usual focus, this week’s game is one that, surprisingly, isn’t too bad. You are Blue, a blue Smartie who is given a power suit and the job of rescuing all the other Smarties that have been kidnapped by the evil Dr Sour Sweet. Your power suit lets you collect a number of upgrades that improve both your overall health and your offensive capabilities. Chocolate puns abound.

Despite the bright and colourful nature of Smarties chocolate, that hasn’t been translated to the game world. Of course, the Smarties and the enemies you face are all somewhat colourful, but the game overall has a washed out quality to it. This is disappointing as it leaves the levels looking uninspired and a bit dull.

Anybody who grew up in the UK in the late 80s and 90s will know who Dave Benson Phillips is. A regular on children’s TV, he lends his voice to Blue. It would have been nice for him to have had a few more lines as his key phrases start being repeated early on, but this may have been more to do with PS2 storage requirements over anything else.

There are a few issues with the camera that take some time to get used to. It would have perhaps been better for it to be positioned a little further away behind Blue. As it is, you’re often a little too close to the action in third person mode. First person mode, used for target-based objectives, is a little less clunky.

Overall it seems that most of the flaws and complaints you can aim at Smarties Meltdown are common across many games of this era. As a result it’s difficult to be too harsh about the game, especially when you compare it against some of the shovelware that was released on the PS2. At least some thought was put into this.

Mar 18 2016

Knight Rider (PS2) review – 60 Second Gamer Episode 06

Knight Rider was a smash hit in the 1980s. This game came out in 2006. Before the 2008 reboot, but admittedly following several rather poor attempts at relaunching the franchise in the 90s. Looking back, what was it with the PS2 and the many, many developers that bought up the licences for well known properties? The console is awash with poor video game adaptations.

While Knight Rider isn’t amazing, it’s not a total disaster. Instead it’s somewhere in the middle of the pile, a generic chase quest driving game that sees you travelling from one side of the map to the other again.

Your role is to scan objects, take down other vehicles and battle against the likes of Garth (no, not the one from Wayne’s World), Goliath and KARR. You, of course, are Michael Knight and KITT, enacting your 80s dream to descend into the shadowy world of a man who doesn’t exist, To be a young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of the innocent, the helpless, the powerless, and so on.

Yeah, about that…

The story is very much like an episode of the television show. Whether you consider this a good or a bad thing will depend on how you got on with the Hoff-led television series. Which, to be fair, will decide whether you play the game too. This isn’t targeted at non-fans, such is its dedication to creating an authentic Knight Rider experience. For better or for worse.

Does it matter that turbo boost just shunts you up into the air for a bit, and isn’t speed based? No, not really. Does it matter that there are numerous areas where the game clips, or you can get stuck inside the scenery? Well yes, kind of.

If you can look beyond its flaws, the Knight Rider game on the PS2 is… acceptable. Nothing more, nothing less. It would help of course if they had cast better voice actors, or even toned down the use of the word “buddy.”

Mar 11 2016

Charlotte’s Web (PS2) review – 60 Second Gamer Episode 05

If previous knowledge and experience is anything to go by, Charlotte’s Web was probably thrown together in a 6-8 week window for a very small amount of money. And it shows.

You play as Wilbur (the pig), Charlotte (the spider) and Templeton (the rat) across 19 mini games set on the Zuckerman Farm. Wilbur is being fattened up for the slaughter, so he has to team up with the other farmyard animals to escape the butcher’s knife. Those mini games see you running around the farm completing fetch tasks as Wilbur, spinning webs as Charlotte, or running away from rotten eggs a la Indiana Jones as Templeton.

It’s… not very good.

Let’s start with the controls. They are clunky and slow to respond. Wilbur handles like a tank, with an awfully slow turning circle. This is all the more annoying when you clip into the landscape or get stuck on a piece of scenery or a random sheep. This becomes even more irritating when the super fast farmyard dog spots you and gives chase. Put it this way, if he sees you, you might as well give in to the inevitable. There is no escape.

It’s the same with the farmers, who stalk the fields like 70s television presenters who have not yet been called in under Operation Yewtree. If they spot you, there’s no place to run, no place to hide.

In what seems to be a Blast tradition, the first level is much more difficult than those that come after it. Trying to balance the pram as it rolls down the hill is a Herculean task in itself. Let’s not discuss the dialogue, presented in text windows. Our advice would be to perhaps proofread the game text before creating a master copy.

The only positive thought that can be offered to Charlotte’s Web is that Wilbur’s ears look rather nicely animated. Otherwise, this is a horrible mess.

Mar 04 2016

Let’s Make A Soccer Team! (PS2) review – 60 Second Gamer Episode 04

Somewhere along the way, Football Manager got it right. Finely balancing what is, essentially, a number of spreadsheets, and making them entertaining. At the same time, Let’s Make A Soccer Team resolutely fails in its effort to convert the beautiful game to the RPG sphere.

Your role is to act as club chairman. This explains why you have so little control over the match day engine – and seeing as much of your play time will be spent watching the awkwardly animated players running around the pitch, it’s disappointing that you don’t have more control over events.

Away from match day you can delve into the day to day running of the club, setting ticket prices, establishing sponsors and so on. There is, admittedly, a lot of content here for you to get stuck into, but it’s not presented in the most accessible format. The amount of control you wield is, also, somewhat vague and dubious.

Things would be a little more bearable if the game loaded much quicker. In the first hour alone you’ll spend almost as much time staring at transitions or loading screens as you do playing the game. Lots and lots of people at the club come along to your office to let you know what you have to do.

This is the worst grind within the game, as you spend what feels like an ice age transitioning from one screen to the next, being advised by an array of different faces. It’s as definitive an info dump as you could expect, and if you are anything like us it will leave you feeling a mixture of boredom and mild irritation.

So it’s not a total failure, but it could have been far better than the end result. A bit like *insert team name here*’s performances this season. You know which team I’m talking about.

Feb 26 2016

Dr Dolittle (PS2) review – 60 Second Gamer Episode 03

Want another game by Blast! Entertainment? Then you are clearly a glutton for punishment. On looking at the cover this 2006 PS2 release looks to be a tie in to the Eddie Murphy film where he stars as Dr Dolittle, that chap who can talk to animals and cure their suspiciously human ailments. . But it isn’t.

Handily chopping off the good doctor’s head on the cover, this features a more traditional take on the Dr Dolittle character.

It goes without saying that it’s another poor effort from the Blast stable. The gameplay is simple and comprises of 8 levels. Well, not so much 8 levels but 8 tasks that take place on the same town map. You amble around, meeting animals (and traffic) across the surprisingly large map. You can only move in a straight up/down grid format, meeting animals, curing them… and that’s about it, really.

True, you get to collect ingredients from various locations on the map – the supermarket, a farm, the park, a bee colony and so on – and mix them together using your funky mixing machine. Ignoring the fact there are no sound effects besides background traffic and the heavy, heavy steps of Dr Dolittle as he walks around town, there isn’t all that much to do. You mix ingredients, meet animals, rush from emergency cases (highlighted in red) to less urgent cases (yellow triangles), and not much else. It certainly isn’t much fun.

Bearing in mind this is what video games are supposed to be – fun – then you can’t help but feel that Dr Dolittle misses the point somewhat.

Feb 19 2016

Little Britain (PS2) review – 60 Second Gamer Episode 02

Let us summarise the Little Britain video game for you. It’s genuinely bad, one barely worthy of the world of video games. Seven mini games and some arbitrary challenges just to give you something to do. That’s because those seven mini games can take about half an hour to work through once you get used to the awful controls.

It might have just been us, but getting a score of 50,000 on the first level proved a near impossible task. The remaining levels offered no challenge at all, beyond the fact it handles like a WW1 tank and is equally as noxious.

Those levels are thus: skating, tricks and collecting CD’s with Vicky Pollard; diving into the pool with Lou and Andy; that racist woman vomiting over people at the fete; Marjory Dawes eating cake at the expense of her Fat Fighters club; that man who dresses as a lady playing football; whack a mole with some other man in drag; and Matt Lucas’ only gay in the village running down other gay men. To say that this is totally unacceptable in this day and age goes without saying. It’s not just lazy writing but horribly stereotypes much of the population without doing anything amusing with the core idea.

What’s worse, the original radio series isn’t too bad In the grand scheme of things. A fair amount of effort was put into that The same goes for series 1 of the television show, which itself was expanded on from the run on radio 4. It subsequently became a lazy cash in effort, and it’s this area of general unpleasantness that the game sits.

As you can tell, we’re not exactly fans of the show, at least beyond the realm of series 1. It’s lowest common denominator comedy and the game is no different.

As we say in the review, this is liable to offend fans of the show and video gamers alike. And if you’re not a fan of simplistic catchphrase comedy then you’ll find nothing to enjoy either. It’s unpleasantly bad from start to finish. It’s arguable that Blast! Entertainment reached their lowest with this.