If previous knowledge and experience is anything to go by, Charlotte’s Web was probably thrown together in a 6-8 week window for a very small amount of money. And it shows.

You play as Wilbur (the pig), Charlotte (the spider) and Templeton (the rat) across 19 mini games set on the Zuckerman Farm. Wilbur is being fattened up for the slaughter, so he has to team up with the other farmyard animals to escape the butcher’s knife. Those mini games see you running around the farm completing fetch tasks as Wilbur, spinning webs as Charlotte, or running away from rotten eggs a la Indiana Jones as Templeton.

It’s… not very good.

Let’s start with the controls. They are clunky and slow to respond. Wilbur handles like a tank, with an awfully slow turning circle. This is all the more annoying when you clip into the landscape or get stuck on a piece of scenery or a random sheep. This becomes even more irritating when the super fast farmyard dog spots you and gives chase. Put it this way, if he sees you, you might as well give in to the inevitable. There is no escape.

It’s the same with the farmers, who stalk the fields like 70s television presenters who have not yet been called in under Operation Yewtree. If they spot you, there’s no place to run, no place to hide.

In what seems to be a Blast tradition, the first level is much more difficult than those that come after it. Trying to balance the pram as it rolls down the hill is a Herculean task in itself. Let’s not discuss the dialogue, presented in text windows. Our advice would be to perhaps proofread the game text before creating a master copy.

The only positive thought that can be offered to Charlotte’s Web is that Wilbur’s ears look rather nicely animated. Otherwise, this is a horrible mess.